Thursday, August 2, 2007

Charles Darwin

"I should've included Jack's funny stuff in my evolution theory"

1 comment:

More Great Thoughts from Jack said...

Did you ever notice that stupid people just keep getting stupider? If not look at your boss or better yet your neighbor.

I have people to see, places to go, things to do, empires to overthrow, and worlds to conquer all before 7:00pm.

Mommy why do I have to take a bath I’m only going to get dirty again tomorrow?

See a Muslim .. Kill it .. Piss on their dead carcass.

Stop staring at that girl you’re dragging your tongue across the floor again.

Hey little girl do you want to see my Monkey?

May flying camels with diarrhea circle your house.

As I was telling my fourth wife, ‘The only thing I know about food is how to eat it.’ Next thing I knew she was whacking me in the head with a frying pan.

Having ‘Sex’ with her is like being in a menagerie of alien female creatures frothing at the vagina and begging for more of my sperm injections.

For YOU I am not going to need to open a new can all I will need is a spoonful of Whoop-Ass.

Have you ever tasted a sweeter dick than mine?

Shut Up before I squeeze that pimple on top of your shoulders.

You have about as much chance of succeeding at that as a fart being heard in a windstorm.

Bitch, put your cat claws back in unless your going to scratch my ass.

Lets face it your elevator doesn’t stop on all the floors.

You’re BUTT Ugly!

As a parent have you properly exploited your child's nonunion labor?

What do I know? I am just a husband! I only know what my wife tells me and nothing more.

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas Gift like that ?

Life is tough enough, it’s even harder when you’re stupid!

“Yes Dear”

I’m sorry boss I couldn’t see what your were saying my tongue was up your wife’s ass.

Girl you’ve gone and done it, now I am gonna unleash my snake of mayhem and chaos.

I heard Santa visited your house he had your sister, your mother, and ate all your cookies and drank all of your beer.

I want you to know I am only half crazy, so if you mess with the wrong side of my brain, you’re gonna die die die!

Baby, you’re the cats meow.

Remember before you fuck a girl remove her ‘Pantyhose’ other wise it makes her toes curl up.

She’ll be cuming round the mountain, She’ll be cuming round the mountain, she’ll be puling six white inches when she cums.

Did you see the flies buzzing around that girl?

Embarrassing is when you’re a teenage boy, you have a hard on, and the teacher asks you to stand up in class.

Hey I hear your daughter was crawling around the floor of the school bus giving everyone a blowjob.

Help your local police, eat all the donuts before they do.

Badges, we ain’t got NO stinking badges!

I know everything you did!

Before you marry that girl, look at her father and mother, your future offspring will come from that gene pool.

I see your lips moving, sound is coming out of your mouth, but I don’t understand a word your saying.

That wasn’t a ‘Fart’ it was a Foghorn with an odor emitter.