Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Mark Twain

"Jack is a great writer, and a marvel of his time."

1 comment:

Never Forget That Jack Rules said...

If I got a ‘Vasectomy’ I don’t think Mr. Happy would be so happy anymore.

I am what I am because I am not what I was yesterday but tomorrow I may be something else.

Ladies you must learn to ‘Climb Up’ before you can climb down.

I know I am getting old now because it takes me all night to do what I use to do all night!

I think you suffer from a severe case of ‘Cross Ventilation.’

Etiquette Note - NEW Rule # 101: 
Fog Horn style farting is acceptable for ‘Men’ only waiting in supermarket lines.

Etiquette Note - NEW Rule # 102: 
Women insist that ‘Men’ put the toilet seat down. Hell don’t fight it leave it down, after you take a piss a few times they’ll be complaining you don’t put it up.

Etiquette Note - NEW Rule # 103: 
Men must stop trying to imitate their dog licking their balls because it is embarrassing when they fall off the couch.

Forget the ‘Incredible Hulk’ ladies I am a real Stud Muffin.

Hey ‘Buddy’ for the best piece of ASS you will probably ever get, reach into your back pocket and squeeze.

Hey for you anti gun nuts just remember the next time some big mother-fucker slams your head up against the wall you asked for a ‘Gun Free America.’

Save the whales but kill the FAT people. On second thought exterminate them both with extreme prejudice.

For you idiots who pay for BDSM just come on over to my place I’ll beat the hell out of you for FREE !!

Janet Jackson could suck the chrome right off a bumper hitch.

For those of you who are an optimist and think the world is worth saving, I simple ask you, “Have YOU looked at your neighbor lately?”

Ladies I am available and I have witnesses that will testify I CAN chew bubble gum, fart, and cum all at the same time.

Remember women invented marriage, divorce, alimony, and child support. And, they say Men are the root cause of all the problems, yeah right !!

Muslims ... Their fucking turbines are on too tight. That’s why they continue to have these brain farts and think they can defeat America.

Hey ladies you have equal rights now so the next time you fart own up to it and stop blaming it on the dog.

Behave yourself because going to prison means ‘Fresh Meat’ for the prison population and lots of corncob plugging for your anal butt.

They say ‘Exercise may prolong a man’s sex life.’ That may be true but after the age of 50, all that means is that exercise causes me to be to fucking tired to do sex at all !!

I’m not totally saying she’s ugly all I am saying is “I wouldn’t even stick somebody else’s dick in her.”

Remember oral sex reduces pussy farts.

I am a ‘Happy Marine.’ I killed a Muslim, fucked his wife and daughter, shot his camel, burnt down his Mosque, skinned his donkey, ate his lamb, pissed on a picture of Mohammed, and shit on his floor and then wiped my ass with pages from his Holy Koran.

Get off the table Mable the two-dollars is for the beer.

For all of you horoscope freaks, here’s a prediction: Jason has your home address and tonight he is coming for your worthless ass.

Boogieman, isn’t that some guy picking his nose in public?

Hey I hear you and your HAND are getting married.

Hey girl how about I finish this beer, shove the empty bottle up your ass, and give you a hickey?

Avoid eating Gerbils you never know what hole they crawled out of.

Let’s face it ‘Mother Nature’ did man a dirty blow. Nature gave us SEX Drive and then drained our heads of blood that supply oxygen to the brain while pumping that same blood to a smaller brainless head easily manipulated by