Friday, December 12, 2008

Alexander the Great

"I might have conquered the known world but it would have been more fun if I were able to insult my enemies with Jack's Famous Insults."

1 comment:

More from the Famous 1 said...

Crazier than a shithouse rat.

Stronger than mule piss with the foam farted off.

Finer than frog hair.

Drunker than a cowboy on a Saturday night.

Slicker than cat shit on a linoleum floor.

Richer than six inch 4-hour long Viagra hard-on.

Tighter than a bull's ass on fight night.

Tighter than a Rednecks ass during fly season.

Grinnin' like a possum eatin' shit out of a light socket.

Nervous as a dog shittin' peach pits.

Awkward as a cub bear jackin' off with boxing gloves.

Funnier than homemade cat shit.

No bigger than a pint of piss.

Queerer than a three dollar bill.

Smoother than a baby's oiled up behind.

Funnier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Stupider than a one legged midget in an ass-kicking contest.

Busier than a one-armed paperhanger with the crabs.

Hornier than a two-peckered billy goat.

Fatter than a shithouse spider.

Slicker than the devil in velvet pants.

Sharper than a basketball.

Slicker than two eels fuckin' in a bucket of snot.

Quicker than a fifth grade recess.

Close as two coats of paint.

Standing there like a heifer in heat.

Grinnin' like a cat eatin' shit out of a hairbrush.

Slicker than shit through a tinhorn.

Colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere.

Iy so cold, while standing around I had to warm my hands on a witch's tit!

Colder than the balls on a brass monkey.

Colder than a well digger's ass.

Colder than Grampa's prick.

Happier than a pig in muck.

Hotter than the hinges of Hell.

Tighter than a gnat's ass stretched over an oil drum.

Tighter than the bark on a tree.

Shinnin' like a diamond in a goat's ass.

As graceful as a deflated basketball.

Darker than inside a cow.

You are grinning' like a shit eatin' possum.

Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.

Happier than Michael Jackson in Boys' Town.

Hornier than a three-balled tomcat.

Hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk.

Excited as a blind queer in a hot dog factory.

Prettier than puppy turds.

Smarter than a tree full of owls.

Faster than a cat can lick its ass.

Meaner than tiger shit.

Sucks like a bucket of ticks.

Nervous as a whore in church.

Hungrier than a gutted snow bird.

Tougher than a 10-year-old rooster.

Weaker than puppy piss.

Smeller than month old cat litter.

Faster than a dog can raise his leg.

Excited as a blind lesbian in a tuna cannery.

Louder than two skeletons fuckin' on a tin roof, using a beer can for a rubber.

Slicker than greased owl turds.

Slicker than snot on a glass door knob.

Tighter than a crab's ass.

Wilder than a peach orchard boar.

Worthless as a cup of cold horse piss.

Ugly enough to scare a bulldog off a gut wagon.

Drier than a popcorn fart.

Hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire.

Uglier than death with a hangover.

Funnier than a fart in a space suit.

Funnier than Ex-Lax in a diarrhea ward.

Uglier than a dead monkey in moonlight.

Funnier than a pay toilet in the diarrhea ward.