If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax? If they're psychic and I need them so much, why don't they just phone me? If variety is the spice of life, why do we use cinnamon? If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food? If we are here on earth to help others, what on earth are the others here for? If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant? If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator? If you ate pasta and anti pasta, would you still be hungry? If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to? If you get wrapping paper for a present, how do you know when to stop unwrapping? If you had a million Shakespeare's, would they write like a monkey? If you mix milk of magnesia with vodka and orange juice, do you get a Phillip's screwdriver? If you saw with a sawhorse, do you seesaw with a seahorse? If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If you try to fail, and then succeed, what've you really done? What if there were no hypothetical questions? What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go? What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free? What the heck is a near miss? If you nearly miss something, don't you hit it? What was the best thing before sliced bread? What year did Jesus think it was? What's the speed of dark? When it rains, how come cows don't knock on the farmer's door and say, "Hey, let us in, we're all wearing leather out here!" When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Whenever you're holding all the cards, why does everyone else turn out to be playing chess? Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath? Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary? Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?' Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg? Who let the dogs out? - Baha Men Who's cruel idea was is to put the 's' in lisp? Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids'? Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'? Why are there Interstates in Hawaii? Why are they called apartments if they are stuck together? Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders? Why can't you make another word using all the letters in 'anagram'? Why did Mr. & Mrs. Howell pack so much clothing for a three-hour tour? Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him? Why is it that nightfall’s but daybreaks? Why is it that normal people are the ones you don't know? Why is it that when our kids are naughty we ask, "Do you want a spanking?" What are they going to say, "Yes please, may I have two?"... Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute? Why is it that when we ship something by truck, it's called a shipment but if we send something by ship, it's called cargo? Why is it that when you are on the telephone, writing furiously and holding a finger up to tell the person who just came into your office to hold on a second, they ask: Do you have a minute? Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts but have to put in your two cents worth? Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? Why is there only one monopolies and mergers commission? With interactive TV will I be able to slap Rush Limbaugh? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
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