Sunday, June 8, 2008

Don Rickles, Master of Insults

"Jack is a great master of insults, second only to me, ha - ha"

1 comment:

Donnie Boy said...

When Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was surprised, but when Old MacDonald had a FARM, the doctor nearly had a heart attack!

If cocaine were legal, would they sell it in little packages like Sweet N' Low? Would they call it Sweet N' High?

If drinking and driving is illegal, why do bars have parking lots?

Is time the wheel that turns, or the track it leaves behind?

If someone leads but no one follows... are they just out for a walk?

Why do they have handicapped parking in front of a gym?

Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And if so, how would you treat them?

"So tell me, are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?"

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

After heat killed bad germs, where do they go? Obviously not in heaven, since they've been bad. Surely then can't go to hell, for the heat would kill them again(?)...

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Can a storm be officially designated as a tornado without touching down at a trailer park?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Can I yell MOVIE in a crowded firehouse?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Charlie: I'm not old enough to understand girls. Jasper: Hey, I don' think anybody lives THAT long.

Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons because they were created and not born so therefore no umbilical stump to create one?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?

Do Amish people get one phone call when arrested?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

How come on the show 'Family Matters' two of the kids just disappeared ... they were there one season and gone the next ... makes you wonder if family really does matter?

How come the bullets that work are fired, and the ones that don't work are not?

How come when you are driving through a neighborhood looking for an address, you turn the radio down?

How come in the Star Wars movie 'The Phantom Menace' I didn't see any Phantoms? Then I realized there wasn't any stars at war either

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

Does a person ever get sick without being tired?

Does Mr. Rogers really want us to be his neighbor?

Does the fountain of youth and the fountain of knowledge come from the same fictitious underground stream?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Have you ever wondered what the other side of your bellybutton looks like? Ewww.

How came they call them Tuna fish but not beef mammal or chicken bird?

How can a black cow eat green grass yet give white milk?

How can someone draw a blank?

How can something be 'new and improved'? If it's new what was it improving on?

How can there be a limited lifetime warranty?

How can there be self-help GROUPS?

How can you be ALONE with somebody? Think about it...

How come in Scooby Doo Fred and Daphne were always on the same team and Velma, Scooby and Shaggy were always on the same team? Doesn't seem quite right now that you think about it, does it?

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

How does 'Do Not Walk On Grass' signs get there?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How do the skittle company people know what a rainbow tastes like?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?