Friday, May 2, 2008

Rosie Odonnell

"Fat people love Jack's insults, I know I am a fat ass idiot, and I love to be insulted by Jack."

1 comment:

spot on these insults are said...

Having a Blonde moment are we?

Statistics are like bikinis. What they conceal is more important than what they reveal.

Streakers beware: Your end is in sight!

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Sure, when... - OINK FLAP OINK FLAP - Well I'll be darned!

SUSHIDO: The way of the Tuna.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing our living rooms.

The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

The American Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women.

The BEST part of waking up? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.

The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis.

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

The early bird still has to eat worms.

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The pragmatist, being thirsty, drinks the water.

The score was Hydrogen: 2 and Oxygen: 1 when the game was called because of rain.

The wages of sin are eternal damnation. (the hours are good though)

There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it.

There's no future in time travel.

They say when nature calls you should answer it, I say let the answering machine get it.

This email is never sent unsolicited. It is only sent to you because you are lucky enough to know the sender.

This isn't burger king; you can't have it your way.

This message was sent to you via email in much the same way bricks aren't.

Those nicotine patches seem to work really well, but I heard it's kinda hard to keep em' lit.

Time flies when you're in a coma.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it eventually kills all its students.

To kiss a fool is bad. To let a fool kiss you is even worse.

Today's subliminal thought is:

Today, my marker board reads: 'This month is Farm Animal Awareness Week.' It is also National Singles week. Please do NOT get the two mixed up.

Tofu - the other white meat substitute.

Two people in every one is a schizophrenic.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 1990-1951.

Ways to Relieve Stress #10. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart.

We now return you to abnormal programming.

We reserve the right to arm bears.

We're all our fathers' fastest swimmers.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE WHALES!

What goes 'clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG'? An Amish drive-by shooting.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide? To hold cows together.

What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

When all else fails, admit I'm right and kiss my ass.