Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Andrew Dice Clay a.k.a. Ford Fairlane

"No One Insults Someone as good as Jack Does."

1 comment:

Yes, More Quotes and Insults said...

But looking ridiculous IS the fashion this year, just ask Congress!

By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry".

Carpenter's rule: cut to fit. Then beat into place.

Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.

Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the Pooh.

Clones are people two.

Condense soup, not books

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!

Crime doesn't pay, but the hours are good.

Dear Journal: I've figured out what's been causing my writer's cramp, that's why this is my last entry.

Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?

Do you sleep on your stomach? -no?- Can I?

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Don't abuse marijuana... smoke it gently and carefully.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Due to financial constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished.

Dyslexic man sells soul to Santa... Film at 11.

Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity.

Elephants wear tu-tus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works.

Elvis is dead, Mozart is dead, Einstein is dead, and I'm not feeling so great myself.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

Eschew Obfuscation.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Every 10 seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Federal Expresso: When you absolutely, positively have to stay up all night.

For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Forecast for tonight: Dark.

Forest fires only lead to Smokey Bear - prevent them!

Get your mind out of the gutter! Grab mine while you're there, please.

Gotta run. Neighbors just sighted Elvis making crop circles.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up? Definitely optional.

Guests who kill their talk show hosts. On the last Donahue.

He said he was dying of fast women, slow horses, crooked cards and straight whiskey.

Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Help, I've fallen and I can't ... Hey, nice carpet!

Here at First National, you're not just a number - you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number.

Here's a secret tip for X-files fans: Drink two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place with all recollections of the previous nights events mysteriously "erased."

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I am diagonally parked between two parallel universes!

I before E except after C. We live in a weird society!

I don't see what all the fuss is about, if those dolphins were so smart, they wouldn't hang out with tuna.

I doubt therefore I might be.

I guess surrealism's not your cup of tuna.

I hate the country, all those animals walking around un-cooked.

I have spent most of my money on women and beer. The rest I just wasted...

I keep trying to lose weight but it always finds me.

I like feminists - I think they're cute.

I'd give a thousand dollars to be one of them there millionaires!